I have learned to care again.

Starting my job at Radio Shack at 3. Hopefully it’s not too rough. I’m ready to party tonight. It should be epic.

I like to answer any texts I got throughout the night, check Facebook, and then finally roll out of bed and take a shower. What do you do in the first 15 minutes you wake up?

supertruestory:

Like this kid does.

There was a kid with the nickname “Soup” when I was in middle school. Everyone wanted to beat him up for some reason. I never really knew why.

He may never come out of the bathroom.

About a year ago I had made a promise to myself after a long discussion with a close friend of mine that I was going to change. It was my first year at a real college. I was still living at home. Playing lots of video games, mainly World of Warcraft or some other online RPG that I can’t remember, and not doing much of anything else.

It was around this time that a lot of my friends had started to have parties and drink. I know, late bloomers we were or people that had just kicked the habit because they had enough of it in high school and now were rediscovering it like an old CD that brings back reminiscent memories of good times long passed.

What would happen when we would party is I would always bring the music because I was the one that had the most quantity and variety in a transportable format. This pleased a lot of people but what it would lead to would be me sitting in the corner just picking songs and what not. (Take note I was not drinking at this time although I was on the verge of 21.) I was not participating in any of the beer pong, flip cup, kings cup, or anything that was going on around me. Maybe randomly talking to someone I faintly remembered from my high school days but rarely even that.

After one of these evenings on the way home a good friend of mine told me that everyone had given up on me. That I was a lost cause. I would never be anything more than a nerd that liked his basement with his music, video games, and internet more than socializing with friends, going out and drinking, and getting laid.

So I thought for a while about that and decided it was time for a change. I needed to improve my life. Was I going to have stories to tell? Was I going to be able to entertain anyone? Most importantly, was I having fun where I was at currently? The answer was no and I wanted to change all that.

At the next party I just put the music on random and walked away. I socialized a bit. Played the games. Drank. After a few parties this was expected and I was assimilated into the crowd. I was part of the group again. I liked who I was now. I was confident.

Fast-forward a year and a half. Throughout this time I wanted to become more than another face in the crowd. I wanted to be the guy that got people together. I have become that guy. I am the guy people come to when they need a party put together. I am the guy that they come to when they want to gather groups of people. Sure they do their part and invite who they want but I go out of my way to make it happen and make sure it happens big.

This leads me to a problem though. I am just the guy that brings these people together to have fun then I fade during the party relishing in what I have created. It also means that most of the people that comes are already friends with me aside from maybe a handful of friends of friends. Everyone is meeting somebody new except me. When I do I just end up being the guy to call for a party or a night out.

Initially I thought this path would lead me to a girlfriend. Then I thought it would lead me to getting laid a lot. Now I realize it has just led me to a parallel road. Instead of my basement I have bars, clubs, and parties. Instead of my video games and World of Warcraft I have alcohol. Instead of not socializing I’m socializing and getting friendzoned consistently. Maybe I’m just not appealing enough in that one-night-stand kind of way that I kind of want to be. Now do not get me wrong. I’m ok with getting a girlfriend if something were to lead to that but I’m extremely cautious about that route.

I’m much happier with where I am now than where I was a year and a half ago but I’m left wondering if there is more out there that I could be doing to be happier. Where I have friends getting married and others in serious long term relationships I feel like I have a long time before I get to that point. It’s just too soon and I have too much life I want to live before I can commit to something like that. I want more stories to tell than what I have before I settle down into any kind of routine.